Firstly I forgot to mention one of the more important moments during the stay in La Paz. What is apparently South Americas hottest curry. Now food in Bolivia well....... to be honest in general its shit! so when we discovered there was a British run curry house we were all in. Things were going well when we initially looked at the menu, then it was noticed the Vindaloo claimed to be the hottest thing on the continent.It also mentioned " anyone loco enough to finish this curry gets a free T-shirt". Well as you can imagine there was no way I wasn't having a crack. I have never had a really hot Vindaloo in my life so wasn't too scared. However when the massive bowl or curry arrived and I mean massive ( I'm not afraid of food) I was a little concerned. Things went from bad to worse when the first spoon full consisted entirely of chillies, according to the waiter they put no less than 30 into the curry, which are the hottest chiles in Bolivia! Great.
I got of to a rapid start but quickly the temperature built and I was beginning to have a few problems with my sight, not crazy bad , kinda like doing 5 shots of absinthe bad. There was now considerable interest building from the galleries and an English couple who had long finished stayed throughout giving me moral support. With a few spoon fulls to go, things got tough, I really didn't have room for anymore, every time I had a spoon full it came halfway backup burning my already scalding throat again! With luck and little bit of Milk I pressed on and completed the task to a round of applause. It was with great pride that I put the shirt on, and have had numerous offers since to buy it from those that couldn't complete the task. But not on my life.
This story does not end here sadly! Oh I wish it did. I had planned a big night out but I barely made it back to the hostel without vomiting and spent the next 3 hours in bed holding my stomach, making funny noises. I say 3 hours because that was how long it took for me to require the toilet, 16 trips later the unbelievable agony was over. There are not many things I wish I hadn't done, this is definitely one of them. Got the T-shirt though!.
Right time to leave La Paz before I die here. Got on the night bus to Uyuni with Sarah and Andrew and off we went. I have never ever taken a night bus over a dirt road before and suspect it an experience uniquely Bolivian. There is nothing like waking up 3ft in the air as bus flies over another ditch, not a good nights sleep.
We sorted out a trip to the Salar 1st thing in the morning and off we went in our not too old land cruiser. First stop was the train cemetery near the town. These trains were originally used to transport vast mineral wealth to the pacific ports. Our guide stated that the British came, took the minerals and left, this is partly true. The then president had decided that a solid transport network would greatly help Bolivia, this is always true and the British did exploit this a little. However the locals had other ideas and constantly sabotaged it for no real reason other than they like to do this, still today!. In fact we were lucky to get to Uyuni as the locals constantly block the road.The reason, trains carry salt out of town, they always have and for a long time before cars existed.But now the local truck drivers want to do it, its not like the railway took the work of them.In Colombia Uribe would have a solution for this,a fully armed F16 and a 10 minute warning. Unfortunately Morales being of indigenous descent has to be seen to be on the side of these assholes, such a crock of shit. All they actually do is divert tourists and money to other parts of the country.
Then it was off to the salt flats. The first thing that strikes you is the size and nothingness, they really are huge. The lack of objects close by makes you loose all sense of perspective. The car seems to be barely moving then you look at the speedo, and it reads 0 anyway cause it doesn't work, well looking at the ground close by we were going pretty darn quick. We stopped at cactus island so people could go take pictures of... you guessed it cactus's , wow! This is also where people get there crazy perspective pictures like jumping out of a pack of pringles etc, we decided to get a little more creative much to disgust of pretty much everyone in the surrounding area.
On that subject we had 3 poor Irish in the car with us, all nice but a little conservative. Being trapped in a car with 3 crazy nutters is an experience they shall never forget I am sure. At one point Sarah was complaining about the topics being boring so we began talking about Feminine products, one of the Irish almost fainted I'm sure.
We stopped by some crazy caves formed by the retreated sea and then the salt hotel. This is as touristy as it gets but was surprisingly cool. The best thing is you can lick the wall, I quite fancy salt and the temptation was too great with it all over the place. For the record drink water if you plan on doing this or you might wake up insanely dehydrated like me.
Left early in the morning and drove through a pretty incredible landscape. The most amazing part is the color of the sky against the mountains. Due to the altitude and clear skies the blue is unbelievably strong. Most people think this place is boring as its only lagoon to lagoon filled with Flamingos, but I couldn't care for that, its the just the general scale and emptiness of the place that is stunning.
We stopped off at some military style lodgings, then Andrew and Sarah began the hunt for alcohol (to be fair I was involved at the start) and after a good hunt they returned with wine and beer. This detox was going just swell! We all got pretty hammered after dinner turned out to be chips cooked in oil at about 70 degrees with pieces of heavily processed sausage, delicious! A group of Frenchies decided we were too loud and very politely (NOT) began to make shushing noises! are you fucking serious!, well this was not the Avenue des Champs-Élysées, Franscois so I just got louder and started more of less yelling " I THINK SOMEONE WANTS US TO TURN DOWN THE NOISE, GUYS BE QUIET" after a while they got the message and went to there rooms to chomp on snails in piece. The audacity seriously!
The Irish lightened up a bit and even got involved in some borderline conversations about things beyond the scope of this blog (if it made me think twice you have some idea), some spectators found us amusing and passed over half a bottle of Tequila to fuel the fire some more. Again this detox is going well.
In the morning we got up at 4.30am and then waited for the Bolivians for half an hour (standard) which was great. Just on sunset we arrived at a thermal area 5000m above sea level. It was pretty crazy, due to the altitude the boiling point of water is much reduced making it possible to jump over the steam and put your hands in it. Next we descended a little and stopped off at some hot springs for a hour which was bliss after not bathing for 2 nights.
We dropped of the much relieved Irish at the sorry looking border post to Chile. There was an old bus we were going to inspect until the cook and wife of the driver beat us over there, had a squat and came back, this was a good deterrent from further action.
Me and Andrew then had the car too ourselves for the next 4 hours while poor Sarah was stuck in the back of the dusty car playing "countries" THE ENTIRE TIME with a couple of Christian volunteers, what fun, hahahaha.
Made it back to town and promptly went to sleep, waking up to say goodbye to Sarah and Andrew as they took there 2 am train to the boarder.
Got up and took the poshest (not very) bus to Potosi. Potosi , Potosi was a name renowned thought he past 5 centuries associated with indescribable wealth and misery. Until the Spaniards left the mine in 1783 according to official records over 45,000 tonnes of silver were extracted using the most primitive methods imaginable at a horrendous cost to the local population. It is recorded that at least 50 Indians were dying a day under forced labour conditions.
The mine was formally abandoned by the Bolivian govt some years ago, but work has continued by mining cooperatives. I joined a tour of the mines only as individuals have been known to be treated with hostility and 15% was donated to the miners hospital making me feel a little less like I was paying to see others suffering. Firstly we went to the miners market. Now this is truly insane, in broad daylight, on a main road accessible to everyone, man women and child can buy TNT. I am serious, not only TNT, but detonators, nitrocyclerine etc etc. We bought a couple , one to give to the miners the others to let of later for a giggle, as well as soda, cocoa leaves and 96% alcohol!
Firstly we entered the refining plant. This is truly shocking, most people are upset by the mine but this is far worse! At the top of the town above the water table, huge amounts of raw ore are refined and the waste simply poured down the drain and into the town. Utterly insane, I don't know any figures and the guide seemed utterly unconcerned but birth defects etc must be through the roof here.
Next it was to the mine, the guide recommended eating a fair whack of cocoa leaves which I gladly packed into my mouth. You basically stuff them in , break them a little then add some sweet alkali to break the plant down. It gives you a little rush and a bit more energy, not so important for us, but vital when you work a 10 hour shift without food.
At first it was all pretty civilized as we stopped off the miners museum and checked out work on some new tunnels, handing over several sticks of TNT. Note the huge wads of coca in the miners mouths!
We then descended on hands and knees down four levels to the working section of the mine. The temperature was insane as was the amount of dust. The average age for these miners is 50 years and most die a horrible death from Silicosis. This could probably be prevented using face masks but not a single miner I saw had any form of protection. They do make a reasonable sum of money by Bolivan standards I don't know whether it is stupidity, machoness or a combinaion.
At the bottom of the mine we saw a miner working a ten hour shift to dig only two holes in savagely hard volcanic rock for dynamite. The guide said he only chews coca and eats nothing for the entire shift! Not really the kind of lifestyle I would like to live.
A few others in the group were suffering heavily, but I should add it wasn't like it was that bad. I mean I would never, ever want to work here, but I'm sure a Chinese coal mine makes this place look like a 1st world mine. Conditions were hard but our group was soft. When the guide gave us the option of a hard exit or an easy exit, I loudly and immediately choose the hard (if you come down to a mine and go home to rave about how rough it was you better do it right, so I made the option for them) and the guide didn't wait for a vote, haha. This was rough, the holes are made for Bolivians to squeeze through, and the avg Bolivian is a touch over 5ft, it made shit interesting. But after 20 minutes of some of the most hideous dust inhaling, heinously hot crawling we made it to the main tunnel. Then the sukkies arrived, a few of the girls had utterly lost it and were balling there eyes out, whimpering I have had enough etc. I supposed you think I should feel sorry now, nope, not a chance, stay in Cancun if you cant take travelling, that's my advice.
Anyway on the exit of the mine was the moment I had been waiting for all day, TNT time, truly ridiculous. The guide mixed the TNT with the nitrocyclerine, known as a completo and at a cost of 2.50 US! Then he lit the 3 minute fuse and handed them to us for photos, yeah that's right you heard me!. A fair while after he ran to the bank, buried them then came scuttling back. It makes for quite a whack I can assure you, definitely not something that should be available to the general public or a country that is prone to roadblocks every 2nd day.
Booked my bus in the evening to the boarder and was lucky enough to get a Cama (nice) bus that usually doesn't run. The trip to the boarder was even pleasant! I got out at 7am and almost ran to the boarder post, the temptation of civilization proving almost too much. I waited in a line with 4 people in front of me, that soon became 5, then 6. No you aren't, I simply barged all the little dwarfs out of the way and handed my passport through, yeah that's right gringo fights back you little ·$%&s, I cant tell you the relief when I got the departing Bolivia stamp, bye bye savages. Then there it was , quiet orderly clean. Argentina.
It was a minimum of hastle crossing the border, a sign at the entrance making the true size of the place, yep its big alright.
Had a few issues getting money at the boarder and then again at the small town I had hoped to stop at for the night Tilcara. So I had to continue on to Salta. Stayed at a good hostel and promptly went on a meat fest. I did have a little trouble at first like I do every time I cross into a new place. The accent is always just a little different, or as the case is in Argentina,a lot different. They say ll like sh, which is retarded. Also like in all places they have their words for things, that don't work in others. Just arriving here clearly I wanted steak, lots of it. Now in Bolivia its Lomito, nope didn't work, Carne de Res ,nope Bife, getting a reaction but they're not quite sure, Churrasco,yes, smiles and were off.
Hung out in Salta for a day to do a few things I hadn't done in a while,like wash my fowl clothes, especially those from the mine that smelt like batteries. I was originally planning on taking the train to the clouds, regarded as one of the best rail journeys on earth,but for 140 us and ending up where you started I'm sure any hike I do will be twice as good for a fraction of the price.
Took a bus out to the winery town of Cafayate. The drive was beautiful passing scenery like southern Utah on the way into town. After a quick look around and seeing the groups of ageing American tourists quickly realised this was not the town I was hoping for. I headed out to the rock formations in the afternoon, the weather didn't play along but the scenery was still utterly stunning all the same. Should also mention this is the first time in my life I have had steak for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It was delicious by the way, and lives up to expectation all the same. The girls however and sadly low key. There is the odd stunner but I haven't walked into things or fallen over like the daily occurrences in Colombia. I think this ends the argument , Colombia you are the winner.
Considered doing a wine tour but I would prefer loads of tourists or none at all for such an adventure so decided to wait for Mendoza and got on a 24 hour bus ride to Buenos Aires to meet Andrew and Sarah.
Got into town early in the morning and already noted things are a little weird here. People are afraid to answer the door, they don't just let you in to hostels, I thought I was in the 1st world. I finally found a hostel owner who behaved like a normal human being and let me stay until a room showed up. I then spent the remainder of the day enjoying a proper 1st world town oh and copious amounts of ice cream and steak.
BA really is European, it even has the same attitude. People here think they are better (generally) than all other South Americans and with the exception of Colombia I think they are bang on. The streets are clean, there is clear evidence of town planning including an impressively huge 20 lane wide main avenue, the only clear difference with Europe is the absence of the smell of urine at every edifice. Impressive indeed.
We spent the next 5 nights really sampling all of the nightlife that needed to be sampled, and to be honest it was disappointing. Not only was it not exactly wild, but the women and yes wait for it, they just aren't that great. I'm not even going to say they were hot, cause they just weren't. Now maybe I'm tainted by Colombia and most people coming here come straight from Bolivia were a girl with a full set of teeth is considered a model, but seriously its clear and undeniable victory for my my beloved Colombians.
Anyway needed to leave this ridiculously expensive place in a hurry (and cause I gave myself a stomach ulcer from partying too much) but could leave without seeing the Prodigy play in BA. Got a big group of people together and headed out. Made our way in and proceeded to look for alcohol, nope none there, lets walk for a bit and find some, nope none there, hmmm lets ask this dude " we don't sell it at concerts", WTF!!!! Now I have been shocked by some things before , but no booze in a concert! WTF! I was so pissed I kept repeating it too myself over and over as if it would make it better. We soon found out they even stop all licensed premises within 10 blocks from selling it as well! This is pure South America, even here in its most "civilized" place they just cant get it right and act like normal "places". I find it slightly amusing that in all ex-colonies of of mother nations we have harsher rules for drink etc than they do, and obviously they have the far less problems as well with it! But this is plain just crazy.
The devastation slowly spread through the group, only positive was we arrived so late, only having to wait an hour for the band. When they came on the crowd went mental, and it would have looked like a normal concert from the outside, except for the fact it just wasn't as much fun, oh and every second person in our group got pick pocketed as well, that was a new experience for a concert. I hadn't bought anything of value myself but Andrew passed my his camera which it put in my zip pockets, 2 minutes later it and 150 pesos (40 us) was gone! Semi on the plus side 50 pesos of that was fake which brings me to my next little issue here, fake money. Its exists everywhere but in Argentina it is out of control! Even ATM machines issue it, this is simply impossible without massive amounts of corruption somewhere in the line, and high up that line indeed!
I was considering heading North to Iguazu and Brazil, but I have a fair idea it will be more dealing with shit people so decided to head to the mt´s , scum don't like the cold that's a fact, so that's where I was going. My decision was further reinforced when a group a gypsies sprayed Sarah and Me with shaving cream and tried to pretend it was bird shit, waving their hands like we smelled. I might have stopped except I am pretty weary of gold teeth these days! Get me the f·$k out of here!

Guinea Pig should never be a pizza topping option

Before we get started, some of you might find this blog a little negative, some might say I have might have been travelling for too long not to fully appreciate some sights, others might blame getting robbed by thieving locals. I disagree, somethings are all hype, people continue the hype cause they know no better and haven´t seen or dont know f´all , anyway without further or do, the latest blog.

Arrived in Lima late in the night, from what we had heard of the place we were a little bit concerned, as it sounded like the most dangerous place on Earth, but using a little common sense this seemed to just be another case of Mexico City syndrome. Don't however get the idea that this is a nice place, oh no its an A grade shit hole. We stayed in the nice part of town near the water, but for 8 months of the year Lima is covered in thick, unrelenting cloud, that never breaks or dissipates, how lovely! Did some admin for a few days and tried to enjoy some of the cities famous nightlife that was sadly disappointing. Eventually we got on the bus to Nazca.

I was pretty excited about this, certainly one of the things I most wanted to see in the world. We arrived in town and got ready for our morning flight. We managed to get into a smallish plane with only four people and took of over the lines. The lines were apparently made by the Nazca civilization and there are many theories as to their purpose, but in reality it seems nobody has any idea. We were filled with excitement as the plane bounced above the desert towards the lines. First we passed some of the lesser sites, then onto the more famous ones. They are cool, but certainly nowhere near as impressive or large as they seem in pictures. It was quite a challenge taking pictures through a view finder bouncing above the desert pitched at 45 degrees, but getting over progressive bouts of Nausea the job got done. We toured the Palpa lines as well and to be honest it was with relief when we landed 45 minutes later at the airfield. We then went and checked out an old Nazca cemetary in the afternoon. The dry air perfectly preseverves the gruesome remains. There are bones and bits of cloth scattered all over the site and surrounds, its a pretty macabre affair and I am still suprised they are allowed to get away with it.

I had decided to head back into the North as Nazca appeared to be

everything I feared and therefore I could assume the rest for South Peru.. So the following morning I boarded a local bus and headed back to Lima. Now as per usual I put my bag containing my beloved camera and laptop between my legs and even put my leg through the arm strap in case I fell asleep and sat back for the journey.

It was sometime later when the bus pulled into the run down town of Pisco that a lady that had just sat in the seat behind me, handed me my Diary and said “is this yours”, well yes it was. I froze, lifted my bag up to find a massive slash down the side and the contents all over the floor, my laptop, camera, hard drive, all gone! FUCK , easily the worst moment in all my travels. I had a search around the bus, but it seemed the thieves had got

out sometime before. The driver, conductor or passengers seemed to find it more amusing than disturbing, welcome to South Peru! Amazingly they had left my electric toothbrush! If you have ever the state of the teeth in this part of the world it would have been the 1st thing I would take, but then again I can read, write and know how to use a flush toilet unlike most of the inhabitants on this coast.

I went back to Lima and reported it to the police who were very helpful and then returned to Pisco to look around the markets. I tried asking the police in Pisco where stolen goods usually arrived and they wouldn't help at all. Everyone of them clearly involved in the mafia circus that operates down this coast. I searched the markets thoroughly but to no avail!

Thoroughly sick of this place by now I got the bus to Nazca again and then onto Cuzco overnight. Cuzco, gringo capital of South America and with the prices to prove it! Spent a few days moping to myself before heading off to

Machu Picchu.

I had heard from others of a few different routes so decided to try out what is referred to as the Jungle Trek. Firstly took a Mt bike down a 2000m decent into the jungle, where we then hiked one of the Inca trails to some hot pools. This was a complete waste of time and totally boring, and what I'm really saying was it was shit, loads of people recommended this walk, but they clearly had come straight from whatever dull ass town they live in usually, not the Cordillera Huayhuash.

We did however come across something far more awesome than some stone path made by illiterates. Its called a Picuro and its basically the coolest thing about walking to Machu Picchu. Its like a Guinea Pig crossed with a wombat and can drink from a bottle with his own hands, the owner reckons he is quite nasty and has bitten more than a few people over the years and for this reason wouldn’t let us give him a beer.

The next day we took a miserable walk along some old trains tracks used to build a hydro electric station and finally arrived at the town of Agua Calientes.

We got up at 4am to climb the steps up the site before the buses carrying the lazy tourists began their runs. Now people go on about this like its climbing the Lhotse face, but in about 45 minutes we were at the top, and had a lovely hour long wait for the site to open, being in the first 200 though guaranteed us tickets to Wayna Picchu mountain, which is apparently the thing to do here.

It had been raining the whole way up and didn't look like repenting. The entire site was covered in mist which was a bit of a let down. Its a pretty big site, but after a few paces its clear the levels of Reconstruction here

are very high. In a few places the original Inca stone work is present, andthis indeed is very impressive for a bunch of spastics that couldn't write (much is made of there use of knots in ropes to record things, and how clever it was to have an empire without writing. If your are like me , you will think them retarded) and I will also point out they were defeated by 150 Spanish(which means 20 Northern Europeans could have done the same job, and yes the Spanish had guns but there was 12 million of them and they lived in Stone Fortresses), these are not the Mayans that is for sure.

Eventually the clouds cleared and then you get to appreciate why people like this place. The setting is truly stunning, of this there is no doubt as the clouds slowly peeled back, revealing towering peaks and deep valleys.

Slept under some rocks for a while waiting for Wayna Picchu to open. We listened to a few of the guides going by and laughed at the gullibility of the tourists. There is a common myth here that the record for running the Inca trail is 3 hours 45 minutes to cover the 88 kilometers. Immediately after people all go “wow”, “bullshit” would be a better statement. For example, a finely tuned athlete running a marathon at sea level covers less than half the distance in 2.5 hours. I tried to point this out to people but then one spastic had the audacity to suggest that the locals don’t get the opportunities to run marathons and would certainly win the Olympics if they had the chance.Get me the f$%k out of this place!. By chance woke up in time and made our way up the steep ascent to the summit.

The top of the mountain is also covered in ruins and the view from the topis impressive.

Had a nap and made lunch up here, as its against the rules tobring food into the site, but don't worry the lovely Peruvian government

charge reasonable prices for food, like $20 US for a hamburger, what a great place. If anyone wants advice on doing Macchu Pichu , DON´T, but second to that take the train, buy everything you need in Cuzco so you don’t have to give money to the thieving scum in Aguas Calientes and leave the same day you arrived!.

Partied it up in Cuzco but soon realised it was probably for the better to leave the town before I broke down into pieces. Got onto a night bus and made my way to Puno. The bus was loaded with indigenous folk who took great efforts to call me gringo and be generally unpleasant which seems to be gift in these parts. The smell I can assure you was also something special, as the layers of clothes they wear apparently just don't get washed, it smelt a mix of urine, llama , hay and sweat, delicious. To make things even better, they snored like right troopers the whole way to Puno, what fun.

Quickly left Puno and headed onto Cococabana on the shores of Lake Titicaca. The Lake is truly massive and impressive and I had planned on staying here, but the town had all the charm of a Chav beach resort in Spain so promptly departed.

La Paz , the highest capital city in the world and utter chaos. Its a strange place but also pretty interesting. Walked around the witches market and checked out a charming array of Llama fetuses , apparently they are to ward off evil spirits. I did quite fancy buying one and taking it to the bar, but it makes me sick just looking at them.

I was able to buy a replacement camera, thankfully at a reasonable price due the fact Bolivia has no actual camera dealers so the middle man rates are removed, making things basically half the price of Peru , a huge relief.

Had been in a bit of a hurry to get here for what was left of dry season to try and climb the 6088m Huayna Potosi. Jason arrived a few days after me in La Paz and was keen on the mission as well so we found the cheapest operator we could and off we went.

Now I knew it was big but it was quite a surprise when we rounded a corner and in front of us loomed a giant mountain, yes this would be a challenge. We loaded up all our gear and climbed up to the base camp at 5100m. I really haven't been much higher than this before so both of us where a little concerned about how easy it would be to sleep here. It was also as soon as we arrived at base camp that Jason realized he had left the altitude pills in his pants, at the bottom of the mountain! Bugger.

There were another couple of Kiwi boys there, some Aussies and some Eurso´s.

We got along really well with the other Kiwis and soon it was time for bed, there was a fierce storm outside. Snow was seeping in through the windows and room was lit up frequently by bursts of lightening. At 12.30am our guide woke us up and we promptly jumped outside to check the weather. After a week of clouds and crap weather, outside was a ft of fresh snow and a brilliantly clear moonlit night. AWESOME.

We took our time getting ready and set off for the summit at 2am. The climb wasn't so hard to begin with and we made good pace despite the new snow up to the Argentine camp. The summit loomed high over us in the moonlight, it was so bright we didn't even need torches! It got a little harder from here, the route gets steep and we needed to use our ice axes to reach the ridge a few hundred meters above. At this point around 4am, the mental fatigue really kicked in and I think the guide was little concerned me and Jas might get into a bit of bifo. The lack of Oxygen really became apparent as well, its a funny thing, but it seems to be a very mental issue, not physical, after a while you teach yourself to ignore your body telling you, that you are about to pass out and push on.

We circled the summit, it never seeming to get any closer, and then about 15 minutes before sunrise we reached the final step. I had always assumed it to be simple walk to a flat summit , but no this was not the truth. We had to power up a steep snow covered slope that dropped away about 1000m on one side, a few hundred on the other. Making sure the axe was thoroughly embedded before each step, and then we were there.

Utterly unreal! La Paz was directly under us, with all its night lights beaming away, to the East the first glimmers of the sun where appearing over the Cordillera Real. The shadow of the mountain stretched off into the distance covering Lake Titicaca, unreal, definitely worth the effort, a pretty satisfying feeling.

Now I would like to have taken photographs of everything, but there was another factor you need to consider. The cold, f$5k me it was cold, I managed to get off a few snaps before my fingers froze, it was near on impossible to move around with 6 of us up there, ropes, ice axes and certain falls to your death on either side.

We made the walk down shortly after, the Germans where a long way under the summit but managed to make it a few hours after us, the Aussies had given up at camp Argentina, and off course we didn't rub their noses in it at all!, honestly we didn't ;).

On the way down we realized how far we had come. Many of the things we had just done at night because we couldn't see exactly what was around us became a bit more scary, the "little" crevasses we had jumped over without thinking suddenly became 60ft deep cracks in the ice that required a touch more contemplation before launching over.

We made it back to base camp and then had the joy of carrying all our gear back down over snow covered rocks, not an enjoyable experience. Was bliss arriving back in La Paz and having a shower and some sleep!

Partied hard all weekend to make up for our newly attained fitness, then decided to go and see the much hyped archaeological site of Tiwanaku, it was average!.

The next day we took on the old Yungas Rd that descends from 4700m to around 1500m with more or less no pedaling required. For a while it was listed as the worlds most dangerous rd, people eager to hype up how hard they are have labelled it the ¨rd of death¨, this however is pretty ridiculous, its sketchy in places but really nothing compared to others I have seen, most of the pictures that people post of it are in fact of a Rd in China.

However it was great fun though flying down the rd, the guide loved having a race and Jason was sliding around every corner spraying as much gravel of the 500m drop as possible, this did nothing to aid the nerves of the other pussies in the group one of whom stopped pedaling and got in the van. The most exciting thing is that cars still use the route which can certainly make things interesting when you are hammering it at 40kph around a blind corner.

Next we decided to take on the trail the guys on the Huayna Potosi climb had recommended. Unfortunately true to form we managed to be out until 4am the day we were to do it. Getting up in considerable states we decided to take a taxi up to the start of the trail at 4700m instead of a series of buses, a genius idea.

We quickly ascended to the top of the pass at 4900m meeting a few friendly locals along the way who gave us directions. We had carried stones from the bottom and deposited them at the top as an offering to the gods which has been done for centuries. The views were pretty good although the cloud was gathering quickly from the rain forest below.

We soon came across a friendly herdsmen with a group of Llamas. The trail is a genuine Inca trail, 6-8ft wide and superbly made. We descended onto the Valley floor and past the remains of an Incan waystation. The scenery and villages along this section of the route where stunning and the people smiling and friendly. The path dropped 2000m to our campsite and both of us were thoroughly exhausted when we arrived.

Got up at first light and got onto the trail as we had a huge day ahead of us. The trail over the morning section was incredible, more or less perfectly intact. This was a good thing as the view certainly wasn't that great as we descended into the cloud forest. The only problem with cloud forest is that it needs clouds. Otherwise its hot, really hot. For the next 6 hours we suffered as the path went up and, down then up. The locals also abruptly changed from the friendly types of the higher climes to the nasty types one often finds in the jungle. A polite and smiling Buenas Tardes was often met with a scoul like I had just spat at them, unreal! Later on this changed again to more smiling locals which was welcome relief. For most of the day we could see the campsite but never seemed to get any closer, also knowing we had to descend then ascend the “devils beak” somewhere in between. At last we rolled into the campsite, our guidebook clearly written a few decades ago, stated it was in the beautifully manicured gardens of a lovely Japànese man. Well Tajima is a little aged these days and has all but given up maintaining the garden, as well as the toilets and showers mentioned, never mind he was a character (you think Gollum is bent over, if this is what gardening does to you count me out) and the views from the campsite were stunning.

Got up and almost sprinted the last 8 kilometers to get out of the jungle. There were collectivos out of the town to the main bus station 14km away, but because the Lonely Planet guidebook said don't pay more than $25US for a private taxi, this was the rate that we were going to be charged. We tried to negotiate stating this was retarded but to no avail, even when we walked away they didn´t follow. They would rather us have a hard time and make no money than a fair amount, this is Bolivia to a T. We walked to the next village and found the same thing although far more reasonable, we almost agreed when at last an honest citizen agreed to take us to the main rd for 50 cents each where he kindly explained we could take a bus!

We didn't wait long when one of the locals hailed a Volvo truck and all four of us loaded into the cab. I luckily acquired the front seat and got an awesome view over the new Yungas Rd, one of the marvels of modern engineering. It took over 2 hours of more or less going straight up to cover the 3000 metres of vertical to summit, inhaling copious amounts of carbon monoxide that flowed freely through the floorboards as the old truck hauled ass up the slope.

More partying as there is little else to do in this city. I had planned to climb up Ilimani the 6490m monster that towers over La Paz but a bad weather forecast and aching limbs from the Choro Trail forced me to head south towards the salt flats.

The Cordillera's of Peru

Alighty then, Huaraz centre of the Cordillera Blanca one of the most scenically stunning and magnificent mountain ranges in the world.­­ This, is not just a tourist brochure claim, the entire area is utterly unreal. From the centre of town you can see many of the dozens of 5000m peaks, coated in snow and ridiculously steep. The main reason I came here was to hike the Cordillera Huayhuash, this hike however takes 8-12 days and first wanted to make sure my knees (that I have been exercising for the past 2 months just for this) were up to the task.

Saving...

I had planned on going alone and carrying all my stuff but an unwillingness to pop my knee for the sake of a few dollars made me decide to go with donkeys and a guide to the 4 day Santa Cruz. We left Huaraz at 6am and headed deep into the mountains, passing a series of stunning lakes and massive mountains. Arriving at the trailhead we transferred our gear to the donkeys and headed onto the trail. The weather was utterly stunning; the Cordillera only has a 3 month dry season and heavy weather the rest of the year. But as we hiked on, I was soon to learn the dry season still has its moments. About an hour before reaching the campsite the heavens opened and a torrential downpour that was to last all night began. It was here I was most grateful for taking the guide, as they cook as well! Cooking in sleet is not fun and I greatly enjoyed waiting for hot soup and chicken from the comfort of my tent.

The next morning we awoke to heavy mist with massive snow covered mountains poking through in places. Although this was a beautiful sight was a little concerned about heading to 4700m with this much weather about. However the snow/rain/sleet kept at bay and it even cleared a little as we struggled up the 1000m to the top of Punta Union pass. The other side of the valley was almost clear and in front was a spectacular array of Andean summits. Just to the left is the mountain (Artesonraju) the appears at the start of every Paramount movie (according to the guide there appears to be some dispute on the internet weather it’s definitely the same, sure looks like it though). To the right was a glacier and stunning lake.

After a few hours admiring the scenery we descended into a lush valley encircled by towering peaks and a beautiful stream. I had a brief wash but a few other hardier mountaineers lay completely submerged for a minutes in water that was ice perhaps a few hours before (utterly crazy). The weather was now beautiful and enjoyed a good spot of sunbathing.

The next day, supposed to be the highlight of the hike was a bit of a disappointment as low cloud and rain covered the summits of the mirador, where on a good day you can see 5 or so of the Andes highest peaks, including Alpamyo , once voted the most beautiful mountain in the world. So from here it was more or less a few days hike back to civilization. My knees held out until all but the last few kilometres!

Once back in town I decided that I was going to the Huayhuash regardless of my knees. I went to the Pharmacy and brought basically every kind of painkiller I could think of (no prescription required! Seriously) and went looking for partners. I couldn’t find any! Everyone was interested in day hikes or the Santa Cruz only. So I signed up with a guided trip completing the 115km circuit in 8 days.

My group apparently like nearly all on this circuit were 13 Israelis. I was a little concerned about English not being spoken but my concerns were quickly relieved when all came and greeted me in English with wide smiles. It was actually a benefit being the only foreigner, everyone wanted to talk and was very hospitable. They were all very interested in my travels to the Middle East, as none had been there (Ok none had been there without heavy camouflage and weaponry) and wanted to hear what it was really like.

The bus drove us for 6 hours through some of the most stunning scenery I have ever seen, but it was nothing compared to what was coming. Decided to use this as a test for my orange tent, as there was space available in the others if it couldn’t take the conditions and had a good night’s sleep at 4000m. The next morning we had to pay our protection money (and every other morning). This is basically a system to keep the locals happy; the ones who collect money certainly aren’t any threat to 13 Israelis just out of military service. In fact I suspect even some heavily armed nasty types might also be no match either, the average man around here seeming to be about 5ft high. However before this system was in place robberies of tourists was common as well as the odd murder or 2.

Then we pushed on up over the first pass, 4800m. While waiting at the top for the others I heard a really strange, loud, deep fluttering sound. Glancing up, no more than 5 meters overhead flew two massive condors! Utterly unreal, seriously one of the best moments of my travels, these birds are fairly rare, even here and to be so close so unexpectedly was incredible. The noise really was amazingly loud and they were only gliding, the size as well, you really can’t comprehend until you see it in real life. Wicked.

The weather was not the best but there was no rain as we headed to the second pass of the day. Descending down it began to hail as we arrived at the campsite under some massive peaks and a glacier.

Woke up in the morning with my tent covered in Ice and had to wait for the sun to melt it before I packed it away, very glad I bought a -10 sleeping bag!. The view though from the campsite, well words, even pictures don’t quite do it justice, and this is why people come here.

The walk heads steeply up to some Lakes where a couple of the Israeli boys decided it was time for a swim. I can assure you this was crazy, even the air was cold! More climbing and after some seriously steep paths, the top of the pass. It began to snow heavily as we descended to the campsite before breaking into perfect sunshine at another stunning campsite. The skies were clear all night and with the moon made for some amazing night time views of snow covered peaks.

Another day another pass, this time though it was relatively easy as we rolled into the campsite complete with thermal hot tub, at 4200m! Well after a few days of not even considering washing this was a welcome break. The water was scorching and very welcome. I happened to mention to the Israelis that only two things could make this better, beer and snow. Well a man next to the pool heard the word beer, and said Cerveza’s with a smile on his face. I remember thinking “surely not here, 50km from the nearest rd”, si cervezas he replied. At $3 they aren’t cheap but considering they are carried by donkey for 2 days, not a bad deal. So here ends my detox, not even here, probably as far as you can get from a shop in the modern world am I safe from the ills of Alcohol! Ridiculous.

We sat and watched the approaching storm, not realizing it was part 2 of my wish approaching and decided we better go and seal the tents. Not more than a few minutes later the snow began, and it didn’t stop! By nightfall my tent was surrounded by a few inches of snow; it was about then that the first Israelis charged the 300m to the pools in bear feet and underpants. There was no way I was missing out on this, so grabbed some money (beers) and went for it. Falling over 3 times on the way. I can tell you its hot enough when you aren’t covered in snow burn, my god it burnt, but then amazing! After a while it was probably time to get out, but the realization that getting dry in a cold tent, at 4200 didn’t really motivate anyone, even dinner was nearly missed but eventually we made the hideously icy trek back to the campsite.

Everyone rightly took a while to get moving in the morning after a freezing night. The hike was very difficult as the path in places was buried in snow. The scenery yet again was magnificent as approached 4800m and the first pass of the day, overlooking a valley sided by huge mountains. This however was the easy pass, next we crossed the valley and a few of us began the 1000m ascent to the infamous San Antonio Pass. This is more a scramble than a walk, and soon all of us were inhaling deeply and stammering like drunks as we approached the summit. The view, incredible. All of us stayed at least an hour as the last stragglers made their way to the top, still recovering our breaths from the ascent.

The next day, perhaps the only one that wasn’t amazing in the entire trek, consisted of a half day descent that greatly concerned me as I knew that in this case, what goes down must go up. We came across the only piece of civilization during the entire trek, if you could call it that. A small mountain village that we piled into and downed a quick couple of soft drinks, while the locals stared and took pictures of the strange gringos.

Afterwards and arduous climb to the campsite, where the next morning we continued to the pass and then to the 2^nd of the day and final of the trip. The views were truly stunning and we were surrounded by condors circling the peaks. We then descended into a magnificent Valley overlooking some Lakes and the core of the Huayhuash.

The weather was nice, warm even and it was decided the crystal clear stream looked to nice to resist. Well it looked nice, but I seriously doubt most of the water had been more than a few hours old since leaving the glacier and all 3 of us went into thermal shock for a moment. It was nice to be clean though, and I felt fantastic once getting out!

The Israelis together with one of the porters had decided to get a sheep for dinner. We all threw in a few dollars and soon enough a sheep appeared which the Israelis named “El Dad”. Well poor old El Dad was soon dispatched and a fire was prepared. At this stage I went to bed and missed the arrival of the local witch women. It turns out she was unhappy that we didn’t by beer of her, so had decided she had the right to half the meat! Really, well I would have loved to see what would have happened had she tried to take half a sheep of 13 starving Israelis and a kiwi, death! Yep I’m certain. In the end she ended up with the real good bits, the offal, and the head, yummy, yeah you can have those!

The fire is a furnace made of river stones fuelled by horse/donkey shit! Don’t worry they only heat the stones, then burry them with the food, very much like a Hangi. Either way it was delicious, and we all gorged on a few pounds of meat each. A welcome surprise from pasta and rice.

It was probably the coldest night of the trip with ice both inside and outside my tent that sadly seems to have caused some permanent damage. The next day we had to race for our bus back to Huaraz down 1500m of toe jamming trail, that frankly was the worst hiking I have ever done! It was with great relief that I arrived in the town and pulled of my boots.

They didn’t have any hamburgers in that town but when I arrived in Huaraz I made up for lost time. Dispatching 3 in quick succession then onto a steak for desert. It never tasted so good, seriously! All in all an amazing adventure, one of the best I have ever done, my knees held out for the duration which was amazingly good as even with pain killers it would have been near on impossible.

Spent the next day eating then headed on the Capital and A grade dump, LIMA.

Ecuador and beyond

Got onto the for Quito bus which was utterly shabby in comparison to its Colombian counterparts but on the plus side every transaction was honest and helpful which is surprising for what is a very touristy country. The bus rattled along to Quito , the scenery was nice but again nothing amazing compared to its northern neighbor.
Quito is the second Gringo capital of South America and it shows there are literally hostels on every corner. We booked into a hotel as all the “party hostels” were booked and then snuck into “the place” anyway. We got familiar with a couple of entertaining characters and proceeded to spend the next 5 days abysmally hammered. We did manage to climb the surrounding mountains one day. I can assure you scaling rock faces at altitude with a hangover is a bit more challenging than expected. Also made it out the” centre of the world”. In the 18th century some Frenchy figured out exactly where the equator was and marked it. Arrogant fools mock him as it is 100ft or so off (according to GPS), but I would like to see anyone do better without a GPS.
I had planned to spend 5 days in Quito, but this included getting a few vaccinations, camping gear etc in reality I did just manage to buy a camping pad but that was about it. It was with great relief that we made our way to Tena.
The journey into the start of the Amazon basin was spectacular if a little on the slow side. The scenery here was stunning, especially the vast numbers of large fast flowing rivers all heading to one point. Found our German run hostel, and like most things German run it was very well organized, yet very boring! This however was very welcome by me at least.
Tena is famous for being the gateway town to the Amazon and for its rafting. Now you can raft fairy grade 3 rapids all over the world, so why when you come to a place that has class 4+ to 5 would you take the fairy option. This was our problem , unfortunately for us it was a public holiday and the town was packed with Ecuadorians and not one out of the 60 people that had booked out one company were interested in the good stuff.
There was even a group of English students there who weren’t keen on it. They were doing a half volunteer half travelling deal. I have spoke to a many volunteers during my travels here and almost all say the same thing, it was fun but they didn’t really achieve anything. One Aussie girl said she spent 8 weeks in a village teaching English but was only allowed to teach colours and animals because the head master didn’t want the children to know more than her! This crowd was no different. They were here to paint the school; I asked them if they were artists or art students. No they weren’t! Call me a little cynical but I am sure the locals are perfectly capable of painting the school themselves given the materials, but I guess it looks on good on someone’s CV. Rant over.
So instead of sitting around with a bunch of really fun Germans (yeah right) all day Jas decided to make our own fun. We tracked down the local version of crocodile Dundee, Gabriel and managed to acquire a few inner tubes, a short taxi ride later and a stop off at the local beer shop and we had ourselves an afternoon planned. Gabriel had said it was “muy tranquilo” in reference to the rapids but after the first 300 metres and some severe bruising this was clearly not the case. Jas copped some pretty severe damage, fortunately for me my bag took the brunt of the impact but came off pretty bad when one of the glass beer bottles broke (they didn’t have cans alright!).
No sooner had we run out of beer and the dismal prospect of tubing down a river sober began to become apparent than we ran into some kind of random riverside drinking location. It was packed, mainly with police who weren’t shy at all about having a few beers. We decided it would be rude not to join in and soon replenished our diminishing alcohol levels.
Tubing was a lot more fun after that, the river mellowed and the sun kind of came out as we meandered our way down to Tena. Now if your a guy and you anything to do with the Amazon, one thing springs immediately to mind Candiru (thats the parasitic fish that swims up your pisshole if you urinate in the water). Well I can tell you, im not shy about pissing in rivers but not today! No sir, infact I spent most of the time on my back and even had a pair of underpants under my swim shorts for added defence when I needed to urinate, stopped walked several metres up the bank (incase the little buggers can jump) and relieved myself. Now that I have completely lowered the tone I shall continue.
We came across Gabriel “spear fishing” in the Amazon. Well he was pretty keen on getting us over to show us his catch, it was at this point I began to see how threatended this river is. Gabriel had found a hole and was busy stabbing away with a piece of sharpened re bar at fish that were no bigger than a small cell phone. Jason could not stop his laughter when he proudly pulled the first one out, then seeing the proud look vanish of his face I did the same, not helping the situation at all.
We finally managed to sort out the rafting the situation in the afternoon and with moderate rains throughout the night things were looking up. We were deposited on the Jondachi River at 9am and the guides informed us that the flow was perfect. After a long wait we finally got going. The river was fun but certainly at no point scary which seriously makes me question the class 4+ rating the river has, class 4 to me means that you are on the verge of crapping yourself; class 5 means mandatory dirty trousers. However the river and forest were beautiful, and untouched. The density of the forest is utterly boggling; I really find it pretty difficult to imagine anyone being able to get through it without a very large machete. It wasn’t exactly brimming with life, and I certainly am glad that I didn’t do any forest excursions as I’m pretty sure you see what you usually see in forests. Trees. Nothing much else. We did see a massive Tarantula web which was cool and a few birds but no Toucans, dam Toucans I will find you one day.
Jas managed to convince the guide to let him jump of an old rope bridge. By old I mean Indiana Jones style old, with rotten and missing planks, rusty cable it was definitely something you would want to jump off rather than walk across!
Made it back into town and managed to secure ourselves an afternoon bus to Banos. All information in books on this route describes the road as rough and bumpy. Not anymore, it’s sealed and rapid the whole way. Its here you can really see the destruction of the Amazon and to me it seems more or less inevitable. The cause, well ME and the others that come here. There are many “eco” villages etc along the way but in truth every dollar that comes into this area goes at least some way to destroying this forest. 20 years ago Tena may as well have been at the end of the world, now its connected via 2 sealed highways and so people push further into the jungle for the “authentic” Amazon experience and the cycle repeats. Enough of that.
Banos, spot the Ecuadorian! This town has built itself up as the adventure capital of Ecuador and it is a job it does poorly. It’s great if you’re a pussy, but in reality most things here are heavily on the lame side of adrenalin. We did hire Mt bikes and complete 40km of the downhill section to Puyo which passes some nice waterfalls but bad weather and a lack of anything interesting cut the trip short.
By this stage I was pretty over Ecuador, it’s a nice place don’t get me wrong, but it’s like a more boring/duller version of Colombia so decided it was time to leave. I was semi keen on the scenic train ride where you can ride on the roof but looking at the amounts on tourists in Banos talking about it, decided to avoid it and when we passed it on the way south, the decision certainly appeared to be a sound one. Jason had decided to head to the coast for a spot of surfing and kite boarding, so we said our goodbyes and I picked up a new Irish sidekick Sarah.
Stopped off in the lovely town of Cuenca for a few days. This was a welcome relief, actual indigenous people WOW; it was almost like being in South America for a minute. The town has loads of beautiful buildings and is very laid back. It’s also the centre of the Panama hat business (they are actually Ecuadorian, but Ecuadorians working on the canal wore them, Roosevelt was photographed wearing one and ever since they have been known as Panama hats). Sarah bought one and promptly sat on it two days later much to my amusement.
I am about as much a fan of night buses as I am of Jungles, but the Peruvian border on the coast is one of the more infamous in South America and I wasn’t carrying my tent etc all this way to have it nicked a few hundred kilometers from its intended use so we opted for the alternative route. The main attraction was the rd that is apparently one of the more stunning in Ecuador, well it was average, the apparently friendly town of Loja wasn’t that friendly but we did make it into Peru with all our stuff!
A quick change of bus and then a taxi and we pulled into the small fishing village of Pimentel. We had a fair deal of trouble finding the accommodation, and to be honest a pristine beach with sunny weather it was not! It was however strangely cool, the hostel is a kind of hippy retreat with pyramids set in the middle of nowhere. It is utterly deserted as for most the year the mix of the cold current and warm air causes clouds till late in the afternoon.
Managed to acquire a bottle of rum then decided it was a good idea to light a fire in the fire pit. Unfortunately the drift wood was a little damp so decided to give it a little assistance with some gasoline from my camp stove bottle. Unfortunately it needed a little more, I remember thinking to myself as I poured the contents out of the bottle “this is a stupid idea!” not surprisingly flame leapt into the bottle , setting my hand on fire and the bottle. I managed to hold some composure and was able to get it into the fire pit, before it went up in flames. I quickly put out the spot fires around the dry bamboo housing (that could have been real exciting otherwise) and then put my badly burned hand under water for the next few hours. IDIOT.
Never mind, set out early in the morning for what was one of my most anticipated moments in travel, the tomb of the Senor de Sipan. On the way into town came across a group of local fishermen launching their Caballitos de Totara (reed boats that look like they have been cut in half). Most have only a piece of bamboo for a paddle and they handle the boats like a wave ski as the battled the surf for 10 minutes or so to break into the open ocean.
Headed out to the museum then realized it was closed on Mondays! Jackass. However the market nearby was open, and spent a few hours tasting delicious Cerviche (raw fish) olives, cheese and other things I haven’t had for months. Amazingly this entire area is relatively untouristy as 99% of tourists go to see some” lost city” in the south you may have heard off and miss this area out completely. A very pleasant surprise and as a result of this the people here are very friendly, helpful and interested in gringos.
After thoroughly stuffing myself headed out to the site where the tombs were initially uncovered. The tombs were uncovered by grave robbers but were quickly stopped by police when people began reporting amazing objects appearing on the black market. Sipan once the religious centre of the Moche people is truly stunning, although the mud pyramids are heavily eroded you can get a very good sense of the scale and the new site museum has some incredible pieces.
Headed back to the Museum in the morning via the market for more Cerviche of course. Now expectations were high here and I can’t put into words how far they were beaten. No cameras are allowed in but you just have to trust me, after the Tutankhamen treasure this has to be one of the most spectacular in existence. It’s almost too much, gold, gold, gold and more gold spectacularly crafted and unique. Even stranger is the complete lack of tourists, Sarah inspected the guest book and the visitors were 90% Peruvian, I’m starting to think this “lost city” isn’t so bad after all.
Took the bus down to Trujillo and headed to another small fishing village Huanchaco. This place is a little touristier but being out of season there was nobody around. The waves looked good, but the water quality certainly didn’t so opt for some more spectacular sites. The first is Chan Chan, the largest adobe city in the world. It covers a vast area, but has been extensively damaged by El Nino floods and not much remains of the original structures but it’s easy to appreciate what it once must have been. In the afternoon headed on to the Huaca Del Sol and Luna pyramids. These were the centre of the Moche world, the same culture as Sipan. Unfortunately the Spanish decided there was gold under the pyramid of the sun, once the largest structure in the western hemisphere and managed to destroy over 2 thirds of it. The pyramid of the moon remained untouched until 1990 when some artwork was discovered. Full investigation revealed that every 100 years a new level was added and the entire interior as bricked up to makes way for the next level. The result is an incredible display of murals and artwork that is truly breath taking. Like the other sites I was more or less the only person there.
I was by this stage sick and tired of the cloud so decided it was time to head to the mountains. Someone else however had other ideas, after waiting over 2 hours for my bus to finally leave, the police decided to do a thorough search of the entire bus on route and found some contraband so that I missed all chance of connections and had to stay in the middle of nowhere. I did get the 2nd cheapest hotel room of my travels at $2.15 US a bargain, it certainly was no Ritz but the absence of bed bugs was a pleasant surprise.
In the morning managed to muster a few locals together waiting for the next bus (nobody knew when) and took a taxi to Huaraz. The scenery was stunning the entire way, really incredible and even better continuous open blue sky, YASS.

Locombia

Well we thoroughly enjoyed Salento and really it deserved more time but bigger things awaited. Medellin. 16 years ago this city was ground zero in the war against Pablo Escobar, the cities most infamous son. What a change a few years can make. As the taxi rolled on towards the hostel, all we could see was nice houses, clean streets and people on the move, it’s nothing like you could expect.

(The blonde freak , a hit with the locals, can you sense any jealously no not at all!)

We hit the town hard within hours of arriving and on a Wednesday night the town was heaving. Zona Rosa could be any posh district in the world except it’s a little nicer than most. Medellin is famous for a few things other than Pablo and no.1 at the moment is its women. It battles with Cali for plastic surgery capital of Colombia and the results are plainly obvious each and every way you look. Partied to the early hours of the morning with the beautiful people (yes we looked a little out of place), but it certainly came at a cost, beers $10 each, entry $20 etc you get the picture, there certainly is a bit of wealth in Colombia.

We basically got booted out of the hostel in the morning as everyone books ahead and there was nowhere left in the hostel. We decided to get out of the touristy district and caught a cab to the other end of town. We noticed our new hostel was a little different right from the start, a few things stood out notably a few Marijuana plants growing in the courtyard! But the owner new his stuff and told us where to head in the middle of town and hang out with the real locals.

(The herb garden at the the hostel)

Arrived in the central station and walked to Parque Periodista. Now most guidebooks advise this as not the most intelligent but they don’t know shit. Everyone helped us with directions and at no time did it seem dangerous at all. The Parque is surrounded by 4 bars and everyone sits in the centre drinking, chatting and playing music. We had sat down for all of a few minutes before the first locals came over and began chatting; soon we had a group including a guitarist and played until close. Awesome fun, and the whole night cost less than one drink in the Zona Rosa. At the start Jason attracted the interest of the local homosexual community (ha-ha the blonde hair gets the interest of both groups). Unfortunately for Jason he has only begun to start speaking Spanish and I added a little fuel on the fire telling his “friend” that Jason liked men, Jas then repeated what I said thinking it was something designed to detract his mate, this really got things going!. I have seen some aggressive homosexuals in my time but this dude was all about it, hands on the thigh every 30 seconds, Jason would angrily repel him; I thought about keeping the act going but didn’t want it to really deteriorate so told our mate the truth.

Now as mentioned earlier Medellin is Pablo’s town. We had noticed a brochure in the hostel; it looked professional offering a tour of a few Pablo sites throughout the town. We chatted to a few Americans and booked the van. Now we were a little surprised when the hostels drug dealer rolled up in a mini-minivan that looked like it had come out of a time machine. We all managed to pile in and off we went. Firstly we went to Pablo’s first house when he was just a common scut gangster, complete with the odd missing palm tree due to a car bomb attempt on his life.

(Pablos first house note half palm tree far right)

Then we visited the shrine where his henchman prayed for their bullets and a clean getaway before gunning down, well pretty much anyone (I loved the irony here). It’s amazing how much real-estate this man owned (most of it showing damage from various car bombings). At one point listed as the worlds 7^th richest man by Forbes. It’s also surprising how everyone talks about him with a bit of a twinkle in their eye; it seems most Medellinians especially the poor have a lot of respect for him. Every time the police or other dealers set of a car bomb etc he would pay for damages caused to all those in the vicinity, he also spent millions of social programs throughout the city.they also took us to where all his confiscated aircraft lay rotting. At one point he had more planes than the Colombian airforce and avianca combined. When that route dissapeared apparently he turned to using submarines!

(Remains of Air Escobar)

He however was no nice guy that is for sure. At one point the government and CIA put an $800,000 bounty on his head. Escobar responded by doing the same for every senior official in the police and lesser bounties on everyday officers, that month 600 police were murdered in the city! In the end the CIA got their man, it did little good however, in a situation similar the Afghanistan the CIA considered it job done and other cartels grew to fill the vacuum. Escobar’s tombstone reads “when you see a good man copy him, when you see a bad one look at yourself”.

Headed out into Zona Rosa on the Friday night and to be honest it’s ruined the hunt for best looking town ,FOR EVER I am certain. Ridiculous.

Decided it was time to get out of Medellin or we might never and headed out to Manizales. High in coffee country Manizales is beautifully situated at the base of Parque Nevados.

(Cathedral Manizlaes)

It was decided to head up the volcano and try to summit and stay the night. I knew this was a bad idea to start with; the summit sits at a lofty 5300m and the campsite 4300m. Getting any information beforehand was difficult to say the least and we didn’t really know what to expect. Basically we later found out the park infrastructure more of less solely exists to let Colombians see snow, of which there is a great abundance, a few degrees north of the Equator! Jason tried to sneak past the guards who prohibit people going the last 200m to the summit (apparently due to the danger of the soft snow on the glacier) but got caught and basically put an end to our summiting ambitions.

(Near summit Nevado Ruiz, Locals farmers in the park, other summits nearby)

We did however camp out for the night. It was at this point that I realized that my colleague had not even opened his sleeping bag and then found out that it was summer only at best and due to being on the boat all the zippers had rusted and would not close! Great. Luckily Jas has “borrowed” a few blankets from the hostel and when the mercury hit -6 it was all that kept him going. Altitude sickness also had a good impact and certainly slowed down the mornings Agouti (kinda like giant guinea pig) hunting expedition (they do look tasty).

(Campsite Parque Nevados 4300m)

Suckers for Punishment it was off to Cali the challenger to Medellin’s crown. Cali certainly is no Medellin however; the city relatively hot in comparison to Medellin’s perfect year round climate and lacks any real charm. We chanced upon a mall on the first night where most people head on a Wednesday and couldn’t believe how busy and expensive it was! Could have been anywhere in western world.

In the morning we headed out to the quirky town of San Cipriano. We were told it was a short bus ride but 3 hours later (after seeing a dead motorcyclist on the side of the rd with no head AT ALL) we pulled into Cordoba. When the railway ceased to run through the San Cipriano the locals devised a way of staying connected to the outside, and frankly it’s downright hilarious. What is no more than a pallet is guided by bearings on the tracks with a motorcycle strapped for propulsion! It truly is a ridiculous sight, and the best part when someone comes the other way everyone gets off, removes the “train” then they put it back on once the track is clear!

The town itself is 100% touristy but has a few charms. Most notably the beautiful river that runs out of the jungle. We hired a couple of inner tubes and walked a few kilometers up to a pool and rafted down at our own leisure.

Cali really has next to nothing to do during the day but we did find a water park in the centre of town. It’s got one really unique slide that emulates a roller coaster, plummeting straight down then rising up again. Was pretty cool but Jason had better things on his mind (I call her Pocohontas) so we left before close to sample the infamous nightlife yet again.

It was a difficult decision to leave Cali on a Saturday but by this stage my body was more or less in shutdown and I didn’t think another night on the drink would help us so off to University town of Popayan. We met a few tourists and headed out to local mall where apparently all the “students” hung out. This frankly was shit information, it was where all the wealthy students hang out, and man was it crap. The unbelievable crapness made us stay for at least one beer. Basically imagine the typical mall food area setup common throughout the world. Add a terrible band and loads of people sitting around and this is Saturday night in Popayan!

We took the direct bus to Tierraadentrol the following morning. For the first time since Central America I stepped into a bus that at best could be described as sketchy! Things went smoothly to begin with as a sealed road rolled into the mountains but this did not last long. Soon we were screaming along at a rapid 10kph on what could loosely be termed a road, and this was the way it stayed until we arrived 6 hours later. The scenery however was spectacular, the people friendly and the food amazing! We stopped at a small roadside eatery for lunch and helped ourselves to trout being smoked over a wood fire all for the princely sum of $2 US.

(Trout restuarant Tierra Adentro Road)

Tierra Adentro is one of the most famous archeological sites in South America but is well of the tourist trail, largely thanks to the aforementioned road. We decided to camp and met the delightfully friendly old folks that ran the hospedaje. They were really nice people but they were shocked when we pulled out the laptop and plugged it in to “their” power. They ran to the meter and expected to see it whizzing around at a million miles per hour. Despite the fact it uses 1/10^th of a light bulb there was no convincing them (probably being the first computer they had ever seen) and we had to laugh at the $1 electricity sur charge when we left. Anyway once settled we went off to see the “town”. Now this was detox time so it was no surprise that 100m up the road we ran into the local dero’s sculling down litres of the local “chica” (more or less a kind of really badly fermented/distilled sugar cane) We tried to avoid this but there was no way we were getting away with that. I would have probably stayed but after a few glasses I soon realized I could not understand a single word being said. I thought it was a local dialect but they were just munted. One dude with one tooth was very reluctant to let his cleverly captured gringos leave the drinking den but after much gesturing we made our escape.

The next day we explored the tombs of the area. They really are pretty incredible more so for the fact that almost nothing is known of the culture that built them. Where they came from, who they were and what happened to them. What the left behind are a collection of strangely deep and well decorated tombs that in many cases have escaped the prying hands of grave robbers.

The following day we climbed high in the mountains to view one of the more obscure sites. 500m above the Valley lays the tombs of Aguacate over 70 tombs (sadly almost all raided) along the highest ridgeline. The views were stunning even though the sites weren't so fascinating.

We then enjoyed a spine jarring 3 hours in the back of a Hilux to make the next “town”. 4 buses and 8 hours later we pulled into Colombia’s other great archaeological site San Augustin. Now the detox had been going well up to this point, then it all fell apart. We met a group of Irish and English at the hostel and soon were partying away in the towns only bar till 3am on a Wednesday. It generally went down pretty well with the locals but Jason’s dancing on the bar trick (a hit in Cali) didn’t go down so well here. We had booked a horse riding trip for 9am the day before thinking we would be in bed by 10 and with great pain dragged myself out of the tent. We had booked with Gustavo on recommendations of others but the owner of the hotel informs us that he and a few friends were arrested for a mini coke lab several years ago (this made his offers of taking us to a genuine coca processing plant much less attractive). I find this funny more than bothersome so off we went.

Gustavo was a good laugh, and being a coke head he didn’t waste time describing stuff in crappy boring detail, for example “amigo, this statue is on hallucinogens looks at his eyes” the didnt look too far off our own to be honest. We went to a variety of sites, the most interesting had two colored statues where behind the remains of two child sacrifices were found.I had never ridden a horse to this moment and I can tell it I won’t ride one again ,want to enjoy the countryside? WALK! want to travel fast over backcountry ?MOTORBIKE!

We checked out the archaeological park with some stunning and incredibly unique statues. Again little to nothing is known about the people who made these, especially what happened to them as they disappeared hundreds of years before the arrival of Europeans. Most people seem to think they are soley for funery and sacrifical purposes. Sadly behind many archaeologists discovered the remains of children, also note the way most of the statues are holding what appears to be small children is rather disturbing.

We had heard of a “shortcut” between the two mountain ranges meaning we could more or less head straight to Ecuador in a day. Doing a bit a research on the internet discovered a bus had gone over the edge and plummeted 22 people to there deaths the year before, so that made it a bit more exciting as we pulled out of Mocoa station. Luckily we had paid a bit more for a collective (van) and it screamed up through beautiful scenery to 3500m. The road crosses several rivers on the way up and we nearly had a head on with a bus as it emerged out of the mist, the views the whole way were stunning mainly because the mt drops away at 60 degrees all the way to the valley floor. Although a vast improvement on my Georgia rd experience this rd is far more deadly, at least once every kilometre there was a crop of crosses. The 167 kilometer ride took 6 hours and it was with great relief when we pulled into Pasto.

We changed buses and headed onto Ipiales again the entire way was utterly stunning. Ipiales is a border town and expected it to be the usual rabid dog ridden, dodgy, filthy site that seemingly all border towns are. But being Colombia it was decidedly different, the old duck that ran the hotel made her son take us down to the best nightclub when we asked where was good! Everyone was staring at us in the bar, not too many gringos come this way, but sadly this was not Medellin. Jason however did however attract the usual interest from the local bender, who was offering us drinks etc all night. I knew better than to accept, horse riding hurt bad enough.

In the morning we headed to the famous Sanctuary Las Lajas. Basically a gothic cathedral built over a river. It has hundreds of miracles attributed to it and plaques dot the hillside showing there thanks. I saw a person in wheelchair praying and they didn’t start walking so I was less than convinced.

Then we crossed into Ecuador, the easiest border crossing ever. Walk up get stamped out, cross bridge get stamped in! No fees, no lines, no problems it was almost like both countires want to have tourists spending money in them. Crazy!

Colombia

Finally got my ticket to leave Panama and even went to bed early for my 9am flight. Got to the airport with plenty of time but couldn't’t find the airport check in , nor could I see the flight on the board. There were a few Colombians around so waited with them next to the Aires desk. When the check in finally opened I was relieved I had got there so early as there would not be much time to make the flight. I walked up handed over my ticket, the clerk looked at me with a look of surprise and said “sir your flight is at 9pm not 9am”.RETARD. This is where 5 days of partying gets you, nowhere! I walked around pondering my options and found some free WIFI decided to stay in the airport. Not ideal.

It was there I met a real scammer, he came along sat next to me on his cellphone and was having a pretend conversation about having his wallet stolen, and what to do. A few minutes later he hung up and tried talking. After a while I listened, as I wasn’t sure he was legit. He told me he was returning from Iraq and that someone had stolen his bag and he had no money etc etc. He produced pictures of his family, his dead friend from Iraq etc etc. He claimed to be a mechanic on Hercules aircraft so I asked him a few questions (this is where being a geek comes in handy), which he mumbled through (gotcha bitch). I now knew he was full of shit and played along. I kept on looking like giving him money but backing away, managed to keep this game going for 8 hours! Oh so much fun, at the end I gave him a mouthful (in my usual politically correct tactful manner of course).

When the plane finally landed in Cartagena I was utterly buggered and relieved to finally be on “the continent”. Found myself a hostel and was greeted by 2 crazy Irish girls. I was told I couldn’t stay there if I didn’t come out, so did as I was told. Partied till the early hours of the morning until we decided it would be a great idea to buy some rum and head back to the hostel. Somewhere along the road a few bottles got thrown at the wall, the ceiling fan lost a blade and manager of the hotel was threatening to call the police. Welcome to Colombia!

Now before I even start with this lets get a few things clear (Colombia has just a few stigmas attached).

Cocaine: Colombia is full of Cocaine, its everywhere (touristy). There is no doubt that tourists come here simply to for this, just like fat old man Eurotrashies don’t just go to Thailand to lie on beaches all day. However outside gringo zones you just don’t see it, the locals from what I can see, detest it. The main reason: cocaine funds the seperatists who fight the government and the majority of Colombians.

Dangerous: Unless your pretty unwise and go to stupid places at stupid times the people are amazing. They are just fantastic, anyone will go out of there way to help you and show you a good time.

Women: This one is true, for those that have seen Miss World, well that’s more or less the norm. Oh my its fantastic!. I have once walked into a solid object and once fallen over completely looking at other things when I should have been looking where I was going. Now ill continue

Cartagena is a beautiful town, many say the most beautiful in South America. Not surprisingly its also full of tourists. I really wasn’t prepared for how popular it actually is. Despite the Colombia's reputation tourists are arriving in droves.

Explored the town in the morning in a fairly dreadful state, by 10am it was insanely hot so returned to the room and realized the folly of ruining the ceiling fan. Managed to patch it up and spent the entire day inside (this was more or less the same story everyday).

Headed out to the mud volcano with the crazy Irish. This was formed by a huge mass of decaying organic matter below the surface making gas, which pushes the mud to the surface. At first I wasn’t impressed but once you get in, its truly amazing! Its impossible to sink, and more or less, to move. But its such a cool sensation, not quite the dead sea but it's up there.

Had, had enough of Cartagena so decided to move on to the famed Taganga. It’s a bit of a hastle getting around as you need cabs for basically everything (convenience and safety) but people here speak good clear Spanish and believe it or not they all seem to know where NZ is. In central America a usual cab conversation goes something like this (in Spanish)

Driver: “Where are you from”

Anthony:”Nueva Zealanda”

Driver:”Hollandia”

Anthony:”No Nueva Zealanda”

Driver:” Yes Hollandia”

At this point I give up and we talk about Ajax (dutch football team), Robin Van Persie (dutch football player), Amsterdam, Marijuana, canals and Windmills (I think that sums up Holland pretty well) for the next 30 minutes or so.

Well Taganga is pretty dull. I have met loads of people before and after who all spent weeks and months there. I cant for the life of me see why, playing find the Colombian is not an easy game here, and to help finalise my decision half the shops have signs in Hebrew, get me out of here NOW!.The heat by now is driving me crazy and after a quick consultation with a map I look for the quickest route to one of my most anticipated places. The Andes.

I was pretty excited watching the massive mountains suddenly bursting out of the plain and the bus rapidly climbed and the temperature dropped. The Colombian countryside is by far the most beautiful I have seen so far, it looks very much like the central North Island but with a tropical twist.

Had to stop at the town of Bucaramanga for the night. Had the choice between going to a quiet old part of town or the centre. For some reason I choose the centre and the cab driver dropped me off in the red light district at 9pm!. Now I dont know Bucaramanga but I can tell a red light district when I see one, not ideal! Managed to find a hotel that didnt require payment by the hour and locked the door, and stayed there.

Took the scenic ride to San Gil along canyon country at break neck speed. For the 3^nd bus in a row there was widespread vomiting from children in the bus. I at first thought this was just a random occurrence. In all my travels I have never seen this once, 3 times in a row! This can’t be bad luck, think it has a lot to do with the driving and the roads From now on. I am not going to sit next to children on any bus. I turned my MP3 player up full blast but could still frequently hear the lovely stomach grinding and splattering of sick connecting with a plastic bag a few rows behind me. Was certainly ready to get off the bus when I finally arrived in town.

San Gil touts itself at the adventure capital of Colombia. Besides this it's an attractive town with a packed market and colonial streets. Took a bus in the morning with a few other gringos to Barrichara which is apparently the most beautiful village in Colombia (so they say). Well it’s a nice town. A colonial town, its not like I haven’t seen one of these before and to be honest its more or less like every other Spanish colonial town I have ever seen minus the theives you get in Europe.It does however have something special, a restaurant that serves Ants! Not any ordinary ants , ants with huge arses (the name Hormiga Culonas translates directly to this). Well im quite fond of insect snacks but these were a let down. They coat the food like garnishing, and although the food was delicious the ants tasted like ….well Ants!. It's not like I chow down on Ants in my spare time but every now and then one gets into a sandwich, potato chip, etc and it tastes acidic ,nasty and well just generally not good. These ants were no different only bigger!

Headed out to Villa de Lleva , another classic Colonial town. Now I wasn’t going here for this but the surrounding attractions and it’s on the route to El Cocuy National Park. Got walking early in the morning and headed to the fossil museum. Now I wasn’t expecting much but it was pretty wicked, a massive fishy dinosaur thing that was left were they found it with a museum built over it. Then headed on to the Megalithic style site but somehow walked 4km too far and had a great time walking all the way back again. Finally found the site, and its pretty impressive, used as a combined astrological and fertility site. The stone statues are pretty suggestive but i'll leave to decide for yourself, i'll just say that if Elton John and George Micheal had a favourite ancient site this would be it, no doubt.

Reaggravted an old leg injury of mine on the walk back so decided to pull out of going to El Cocuy national park, hiking 6 days with no huts,trails,people at 4000m with a suspect knee is not clever.

So onto Bogota. There is a lot of chat about Bogota, just about every traveller you meet has a Bogota story either from them or someone they know. So I was a little cautious when I arrived into town. But it is by far and away the nicest big town I have come across. It's not exactly lovely but it's not a hole either, the streets are typically spotless, the roads wide and it moves at a rapid pace. Got to my hostel and promptly got into the drink. Things accelerated pretty rapidly and found myself in a rock bar at the end of the street. Now if my good frind Jon ever came here im pretty sure he would never leave. The play nothing but 80/90’s rock, have cheap drinks and attractive women. There is also the added bonus that as 90% of the tourists here are eurotrashy dance partiers, there are only Colombians!

Had a wicked time, everyone was up for talking to us and the sun was well and truly up when I retuned to the hostel. This was a pattern that I followed for or less for the next few days, occasionally making it to the suburbs on the excellent transport system to find something I have lost on the way(Gas bottle, shoes etc).

Jason Healy arrived from the Carribean to travel around for a few weeks and was eagerly awaiting his arrival. Was patiently sitting in the hostel when 2 gorgeous Colombian girls entered and waved, didn’t reckonize them at first but they were from the rock bar on the first night and apparently I had said we would go out on Saturday. Now I should have waited for Jason, but they were going NOW or never, a good person would have waited but if you were in my shoes you would do the same. YOU WOULD!.

Headed out to the 82^nd st part of town. You wont find this in any guidebooks, more nightclubs than I have seen in ANY city on earth, maybe 40+ in one area, all packed, all awesome and all packed with typically hideously ugly women. I love this city. Closed the club down and then proceeded to another underground rock club and sung guns n roses to the sun came up again.

Met Jas in the morning and slowly dragged myself round town. Told myself I was having the night off, I really needed the night off. Well the reality turned out to be a little different. Had a few quiet rums and we were off to another hostel party up the road. Got kicked out out and proceeded back down the rd. Now this is never clever, I always take cabs round here as that is common sense after dark, but the Irish boys weren’t having it. Sure enough a thug type character came out of the shadows but one of the Irish picked up a bottle and waved it him menacingly, the punk raised his hands and said “I don’t wont trouble”, a good choice when a slightly hammered Irish rough neck threatens you with a bottle.

Had planned on leaving early in the morning but due to technical difficulties removing myself from my bed had to stay yet another night, well we both new what that meant so after solid discussions it was decided to take a night bus or we would never leave Bogota. Infact I have met 3 people from the antipodes in central America who had said one day they woke up went to the airport booked a flight (more or less anywhere not Bogota) and fled (cause its awesome and you wont leave otherwise)

We arrived at the pleasant small town of Salento, high in Colombians coffree country. I really can't say more about how similar to NZ this looks, and in places it might just be a little nicer even.Headed to town square and piled about 12 people into a 1950’s Willy’s Jeep and off we went to the Cocora Valley. Again stunning, crazy farming landscape filled with massive palm trees? Weird! Tried to hike to the sumit of the nearby park but experienced some heavy rain, and being highly prepared with my all cotton clothing decided to forgo that adventure.

Nicaragua to Panama

Welcome back to the clouds! Not pleased, after a few sunny weeks in El Salvador and Honduras I'm back in the never ending sky of grey. Esteli is apparently a typical Nicaraguan town, as there are no tourists, I can see why! and promptly took myself to the bus station. I met a group of Nicaraguan students learning a mix of English and French in Leon. We have a short chat and the bus gets going. After a while one gets the courage and sits next to me and asks me to help him with his homework. This I do, made me feel a little better about my Spanish as they have been at school for 4 years, and to be honest they were not the best! I ended up doing everyones homework on the bus which kept me occupied on the 3 hours until Leon

Leon is one of two towns marveled for its natural beauty in Nicaragua. I was more interested in how it possible to be so hot! Holy shit it was hot. I tried to take pictures but got dehydrated by the time I reached the corner and returned to hydrate myself at the bar. Met some cool travelers and we all bought bottles of rum ($4 for 750 ml and good quality) and proceeded to drink until 4am. During all of this I happened upon the most loathsome/pitiful person of my travels. Bobby Dan(seriously). This dude was 50 year old Texan who was proud of being old south. Proud of it! Whenever someone new would arrive to the hostel they would ask where he was from, this dipshit would reply Manchester England, New York etc and couldn’t figure out when people would ask you must have born in the south? These by the way weren’t native English speakers. So stoopid, he works as a dive instructor and spends the whole time slagging off the lovely people of Central America. I did constantly fuel the fire to be fair, I was in my element. Had some really insightful lessons, like when North Korea eventually nukes the world which it will (apparently) ,well, they are screwed too caus when the wind changes they will get killed. (apparently the radiation kills people not the 100 mile firestorm). He then confessed he worked in the special forces for the American military and still injects himself with testorone to help build up his "guns", holy shit I loved it.I had to end it as it became painful so headed out for dinner. Boddy Dan warned us , the “gangs” would be out seeing as it was Sunday and they couldn’t go shooting people at nightclubs! Ironically we did meet a “gang” of locals who took us to the best hamburger joint in Leon and even tried to pay for us, dam scummy Nicaraguans you have to watch your back I tell ya!

Although I thoroughly enjoyed our chat when I was hammered I had to escape this freak, I couldn’t take a piss without him commenting on something. I decided to head up North with a cool English couple to an isolated beach resort. Got on the bus to Chinandega (too hottest place in Nicaragua) and then onto Jaquillo. I have been some on loaded bus’s now I can tell you, but this was mad. I was reminiscent of those those trains you see in India, people bursting out windows, on the roof,inside the glovebox, hanging off ladders. It was not for the claustrophobic. Eventually the bus thinned out and I spotted a seat, awesome I thought, I didn’t for a second think of why everybody didn’t launch into the seat like always. Haha the clever gringo outsmarted the nica’s. It was then I felt a tug on my shoulder, and a friendly man began chatting to me, he asked me a few questions and when I tried to respond he kept talking. I tried to pay attention for a bit (something about working as a Russian secret agent) but then decided it was best to look out the window. Everytime I tried ,3 seconds later I had the town loon, pulling on my shoulder. Why me! Always! The locals found this extremely amusing and the whole bus turned around laughing and smiling, nice one jackass, you got me. After the longest 15 minutes of my life we arrived at Rancho Esperanza. I thought for a second he was going to follow me but was finally at peace!

The Ranch was awesome. Loads of Bamboo huts and an open walled common area. A couple of other brits and a dutchie were already there. Within minutes were were devastating the freezer, caus frankly it was too hot for anything else. In the morning went to the main beach. Pretty nice, coconut trees, fishing boats, locals only, I’m sure you get the picture. Crazy hot and sunny so decided to get in the water, here is the problem. This is perhaps the hottest water I have ever been in, after 10 minutes you need to get onto the sand again to cool down! Ended up so sunburnt it wasn’t funny, and spent the rest of the day in the huts.

Hung round doing nothing for a few days because that’s all there is too do. Then headed on down to Granada, the pride of Nicaragua. I had high hopes but was still a little weary. The town however really was stunning but it was also really hot, really hot! Until 9am its great to walk around, take pictures afterwards its back to the hostel, in the shade only. This was fine by me and hung out with cool people and only really got active after 8pm. This was fine for a few days but it was seriously effecting my Spanish and to be honest it’s not really what I travel for.

I considered catching a direct bus to Costa Rica, but that’s cheating. Had I heinsight I would have cheated! 5 buses later I made the Costa Rican boarder, after a long wait was on my way to San Juan. As every cop recognized us as the “border bus” we got stopped 4 times (to find illegal workers), with complete searches. I accidentally threw my passport at the police at the last stop, but apparently they value tourists so much here he didn’t do anything, haha gold! Why ask for my passport then? 14 hours later (8 on the nice air con deirect bus I should have taken) rolled in San Jose. Decided to get out of here immediately and made for the luxury buses, but as it would happen they were all booked! Great!

Ended up meeting a really cool American in the morning. Josh woke up one day, decided he was sick of the bullshit and decided to move to NZ or Costa Rica. Founded an organic farm that makes Biodiesel and hasn’t looked back. Pretty crazy, but has been there for years and the project is apparently really successful. Got an invite back to Costa Rica if I ever wanted a place to work which is pretty cool. Crossing into Panama was no problem and moved onto Panama City.

Panama City ia certainly the only boarderline decent capital I have seen in central America. But is is hardly “nice”. The old town where im staying is cool, as it was abandoned a long time ago after Henry Morgan sacked the town and is slowly being rebuilt. It is wicked walking past a building with trees growing out of the wall, while next store is multi million dollar hotel.

Took the bus out to the canal at Miraflores locks. Was completely wrong on the boat timings so had to wait a few hours for the 1^st ones to show up. It really is a lot smaller than I thought. The impressive parts are out of sight , like the Galliard cut, basically a massive slash through the Continental Divide. Due to the narrowness of this cut, boats can only go one way at a time, so both locks only go one way at a time. Panama has already begun to build a third set of locks, over 400m long to accommodate more and larger ships at each end. They only gained soveriengty over all of their territory in 2000.

Ended up giving up on the boat to Colombia idea. I really didn’t want to fly but the sailing option really doesn’t sounds economically or logically the best deal. Once the main airlines upped their fares for one way flights to $400 US (one way 45 minutes) the yachts did the same. I was planning on going to Colon and trying to get on a cargo boat. However Colon is so dangerous according to all accounts, merely walking out of the bus station is inviting robbery or worse, and that has come from all sources I have looked at, so I’ll pass. The other option was much more in my interest, and involved a regional flight, fishing boats, walking, ferries and buses. It takes over3 days but costs more than the boat to get to Cartagena when all things are considered so YES im pussing out and getting on a plane, and I feel completely fine about it.