Colombia

Finally got my ticket to leave Panama and even went to bed early for my 9am flight. Got to the airport with plenty of time but couldn't’t find the airport check in , nor could I see the flight on the board. There were a few Colombians around so waited with them next to the Aires desk. When the check in finally opened I was relieved I had got there so early as there would not be much time to make the flight. I walked up handed over my ticket, the clerk looked at me with a look of surprise and said “sir your flight is at 9pm not 9am”.RETARD. This is where 5 days of partying gets you, nowhere! I walked around pondering my options and found some free WIFI decided to stay in the airport. Not ideal.

It was there I met a real scammer, he came along sat next to me on his cellphone and was having a pretend conversation about having his wallet stolen, and what to do. A few minutes later he hung up and tried talking. After a while I listened, as I wasn’t sure he was legit. He told me he was returning from Iraq and that someone had stolen his bag and he had no money etc etc. He produced pictures of his family, his dead friend from Iraq etc etc. He claimed to be a mechanic on Hercules aircraft so I asked him a few questions (this is where being a geek comes in handy), which he mumbled through (gotcha bitch). I now knew he was full of shit and played along. I kept on looking like giving him money but backing away, managed to keep this game going for 8 hours! Oh so much fun, at the end I gave him a mouthful (in my usual politically correct tactful manner of course).

When the plane finally landed in Cartagena I was utterly buggered and relieved to finally be on “the continent”. Found myself a hostel and was greeted by 2 crazy Irish girls. I was told I couldn’t stay there if I didn’t come out, so did as I was told. Partied till the early hours of the morning until we decided it would be a great idea to buy some rum and head back to the hostel. Somewhere along the road a few bottles got thrown at the wall, the ceiling fan lost a blade and manager of the hotel was threatening to call the police. Welcome to Colombia!

Now before I even start with this lets get a few things clear (Colombia has just a few stigmas attached).

Cocaine: Colombia is full of Cocaine, its everywhere (touristy). There is no doubt that tourists come here simply to for this, just like fat old man Eurotrashies don’t just go to Thailand to lie on beaches all day. However outside gringo zones you just don’t see it, the locals from what I can see, detest it. The main reason: cocaine funds the seperatists who fight the government and the majority of Colombians.

Dangerous: Unless your pretty unwise and go to stupid places at stupid times the people are amazing. They are just fantastic, anyone will go out of there way to help you and show you a good time.

Women: This one is true, for those that have seen Miss World, well that’s more or less the norm. Oh my its fantastic!. I have once walked into a solid object and once fallen over completely looking at other things when I should have been looking where I was going. Now ill continue

Cartagena is a beautiful town, many say the most beautiful in South America. Not surprisingly its also full of tourists. I really wasn’t prepared for how popular it actually is. Despite the Colombia's reputation tourists are arriving in droves.

Explored the town in the morning in a fairly dreadful state, by 10am it was insanely hot so returned to the room and realized the folly of ruining the ceiling fan. Managed to patch it up and spent the entire day inside (this was more or less the same story everyday).

Headed out to the mud volcano with the crazy Irish. This was formed by a huge mass of decaying organic matter below the surface making gas, which pushes the mud to the surface. At first I wasn’t impressed but once you get in, its truly amazing! Its impossible to sink, and more or less, to move. But its such a cool sensation, not quite the dead sea but it's up there.

Had, had enough of Cartagena so decided to move on to the famed Taganga. It’s a bit of a hastle getting around as you need cabs for basically everything (convenience and safety) but people here speak good clear Spanish and believe it or not they all seem to know where NZ is. In central America a usual cab conversation goes something like this (in Spanish)

Driver: “Where are you from”

Anthony:”Nueva Zealanda”

Driver:”Hollandia”

Anthony:”No Nueva Zealanda”

Driver:” Yes Hollandia”

At this point I give up and we talk about Ajax (dutch football team), Robin Van Persie (dutch football player), Amsterdam, Marijuana, canals and Windmills (I think that sums up Holland pretty well) for the next 30 minutes or so.

Well Taganga is pretty dull. I have met loads of people before and after who all spent weeks and months there. I cant for the life of me see why, playing find the Colombian is not an easy game here, and to help finalise my decision half the shops have signs in Hebrew, get me out of here NOW!.The heat by now is driving me crazy and after a quick consultation with a map I look for the quickest route to one of my most anticipated places. The Andes.

I was pretty excited watching the massive mountains suddenly bursting out of the plain and the bus rapidly climbed and the temperature dropped. The Colombian countryside is by far the most beautiful I have seen so far, it looks very much like the central North Island but with a tropical twist.

Had to stop at the town of Bucaramanga for the night. Had the choice between going to a quiet old part of town or the centre. For some reason I choose the centre and the cab driver dropped me off in the red light district at 9pm!. Now I dont know Bucaramanga but I can tell a red light district when I see one, not ideal! Managed to find a hotel that didnt require payment by the hour and locked the door, and stayed there.

Took the scenic ride to San Gil along canyon country at break neck speed. For the 3^nd bus in a row there was widespread vomiting from children in the bus. I at first thought this was just a random occurrence. In all my travels I have never seen this once, 3 times in a row! This can’t be bad luck, think it has a lot to do with the driving and the roads From now on. I am not going to sit next to children on any bus. I turned my MP3 player up full blast but could still frequently hear the lovely stomach grinding and splattering of sick connecting with a plastic bag a few rows behind me. Was certainly ready to get off the bus when I finally arrived in town.

San Gil touts itself at the adventure capital of Colombia. Besides this it's an attractive town with a packed market and colonial streets. Took a bus in the morning with a few other gringos to Barrichara which is apparently the most beautiful village in Colombia (so they say). Well it’s a nice town. A colonial town, its not like I haven’t seen one of these before and to be honest its more or less like every other Spanish colonial town I have ever seen minus the theives you get in Europe.It does however have something special, a restaurant that serves Ants! Not any ordinary ants , ants with huge arses (the name Hormiga Culonas translates directly to this). Well im quite fond of insect snacks but these were a let down. They coat the food like garnishing, and although the food was delicious the ants tasted like ….well Ants!. It's not like I chow down on Ants in my spare time but every now and then one gets into a sandwich, potato chip, etc and it tastes acidic ,nasty and well just generally not good. These ants were no different only bigger!

Headed out to Villa de Lleva , another classic Colonial town. Now I wasn’t going here for this but the surrounding attractions and it’s on the route to El Cocuy National Park. Got walking early in the morning and headed to the fossil museum. Now I wasn’t expecting much but it was pretty wicked, a massive fishy dinosaur thing that was left were they found it with a museum built over it. Then headed on to the Megalithic style site but somehow walked 4km too far and had a great time walking all the way back again. Finally found the site, and its pretty impressive, used as a combined astrological and fertility site. The stone statues are pretty suggestive but i'll leave to decide for yourself, i'll just say that if Elton John and George Micheal had a favourite ancient site this would be it, no doubt.

Reaggravted an old leg injury of mine on the walk back so decided to pull out of going to El Cocuy national park, hiking 6 days with no huts,trails,people at 4000m with a suspect knee is not clever.

So onto Bogota. There is a lot of chat about Bogota, just about every traveller you meet has a Bogota story either from them or someone they know. So I was a little cautious when I arrived into town. But it is by far and away the nicest big town I have come across. It's not exactly lovely but it's not a hole either, the streets are typically spotless, the roads wide and it moves at a rapid pace. Got to my hostel and promptly got into the drink. Things accelerated pretty rapidly and found myself in a rock bar at the end of the street. Now if my good frind Jon ever came here im pretty sure he would never leave. The play nothing but 80/90’s rock, have cheap drinks and attractive women. There is also the added bonus that as 90% of the tourists here are eurotrashy dance partiers, there are only Colombians!

Had a wicked time, everyone was up for talking to us and the sun was well and truly up when I retuned to the hostel. This was a pattern that I followed for or less for the next few days, occasionally making it to the suburbs on the excellent transport system to find something I have lost on the way(Gas bottle, shoes etc).

Jason Healy arrived from the Carribean to travel around for a few weeks and was eagerly awaiting his arrival. Was patiently sitting in the hostel when 2 gorgeous Colombian girls entered and waved, didn’t reckonize them at first but they were from the rock bar on the first night and apparently I had said we would go out on Saturday. Now I should have waited for Jason, but they were going NOW or never, a good person would have waited but if you were in my shoes you would do the same. YOU WOULD!.

Headed out to the 82^nd st part of town. You wont find this in any guidebooks, more nightclubs than I have seen in ANY city on earth, maybe 40+ in one area, all packed, all awesome and all packed with typically hideously ugly women. I love this city. Closed the club down and then proceeded to another underground rock club and sung guns n roses to the sun came up again.

Met Jas in the morning and slowly dragged myself round town. Told myself I was having the night off, I really needed the night off. Well the reality turned out to be a little different. Had a few quiet rums and we were off to another hostel party up the road. Got kicked out out and proceeded back down the rd. Now this is never clever, I always take cabs round here as that is common sense after dark, but the Irish boys weren’t having it. Sure enough a thug type character came out of the shadows but one of the Irish picked up a bottle and waved it him menacingly, the punk raised his hands and said “I don’t wont trouble”, a good choice when a slightly hammered Irish rough neck threatens you with a bottle.

Had planned on leaving early in the morning but due to technical difficulties removing myself from my bed had to stay yet another night, well we both new what that meant so after solid discussions it was decided to take a night bus or we would never leave Bogota. Infact I have met 3 people from the antipodes in central America who had said one day they woke up went to the airport booked a flight (more or less anywhere not Bogota) and fled (cause its awesome and you wont leave otherwise)

We arrived at the pleasant small town of Salento, high in Colombians coffree country. I really can't say more about how similar to NZ this looks, and in places it might just be a little nicer even.Headed to town square and piled about 12 people into a 1950’s Willy’s Jeep and off we went to the Cocora Valley. Again stunning, crazy farming landscape filled with massive palm trees? Weird! Tried to hike to the sumit of the nearby park but experienced some heavy rain, and being highly prepared with my all cotton clothing decided to forgo that adventure.